letter that will not be answered

The arrival of your newsletter and Mass just now has occasioned many thoughts. If you have time, please grant me your grace once more. 

Perhaps on account of the horrendous events going on in the world, my dreams have been compensatorily positive. I dreamed a few days ago of my "Chasidic Ideal", in this case a mature Hasidic widower, whom I was betrothed to marry. He was pious, and I wanted very much to please him and be acceptable to him. But he was a mensch, kind and generous and forbearing to be cruel or judgmental. My ideal of the Moshiach is the combination of authentic piety with the radical love exhibited by Yeshua. This ideal seems impossible to find, except in dreams. As I said, I believe this dream could have two possible meanings: one, to remind me of the good of Judaism when all I can think about these days is the scourge of Jewish nationalism, which is not the same thing at all, and even opposite. Secondly, it could be calling me to rekindle my love for the Moshiach, whose Self I have been alienated from, both on account of the behaviour of the so-called followers, and on account of personal disappointments. What it amounts to is, my God is now and always was, apparently, a Jewish man. 

I think you should consider allowing people such as myself into your fellowship. I certainly grew up with more Judaism than Christianity, if not religious, then at least secular humanistic Judaism. There was no Christianity in my home. I never heard the name of Jesus and had not one bit of religious instruction. All I had were the souvenirs of my mother's former Catholic piety, including an ornate Catholic crucifix, the kind containing a compartment for holy water and candles. I remember spending many hours looking at the St. Joseph's Bible, illustrated, reading what I could not understand, playing with rosaries, my mother's old athletics prizes,  and staring at that crucifix. I did not understand what the crucifix signified. It was the greatest grace of my life that caused me to wonder "Who is this man, and why is his suffering different from the suffering of other men?  (My own Seder question, when I didn't know what a Seder was.)  Even later, when I became a convert to the Catholic Church, I corresponded with a Hebrew Catholic whose ministry was to help Christians and Jews understand they are of the same religion. Unfortunately, he is a reactionary. His name is Mark Drogin, his ministry was called Remnant of Israel. 

During my most recent foray into ethnic heritage, I discovered that my mother's ancestor's family name was included in a list published by the Spanish govt. of Jewish names which qualified one to apply for Spanish citizenship, that is, descendants of Jewish families who left Spain under the expulsion of 1462. My mother's ancestors arrived in Louisiana from Spain a few hundred years after the expulsion, so if my mother is descended of Sephardim, they were probably Marranos, or "Crypto Jews". I also did find a contemporary public figure of that same name, an artist, who is Jewish. I also found Ashkenazi Jewish relatives in Europe, on my father's side. But what is more important than the physical genealogy is the spiritual one. According to Paul, I am a wild olive grafted onto the tree of Israel. I truly believe that Yeshua came not to start a "new religion" but to extend redemption and the means of sanctification from the Jews to all gentiles.I feel both kinship and the lack of kinship, with the Jewish community. Culturally I am definitely more Jewish than Christian. But I abhor Jewish nationalism as much as any form of nationalism, which always commits atrocity against scapegoated groups. 

I also hope that somewhere you have made a stand against  Jewish nationalism. Have you ever read The PIllar of Fire by Karl Stern? He was an Austrian Jew who emigrated from Europe to Canada during the Second World War and converted to Christ. He was the first Jewish person I had read who opposed Jewish nationalism. I have since discovered many more. Nationalism is idolatry, for as Scripture tells us, there are no nations in Yeshua. Why does there appear to be an air of inevitability over these horrific events? Is it because they were foretold? When Yeshua accepted crucifixion, He was fulfilling  prophecy. It was both a crime and a redemption. Paul has promised that all of Israel will be redeemed, but it might come at a terrible cost. Abraham cast out of his tent the child Ishmael and Ishmael's mother Hagar, because Sarah felt threatened and afraid. Hagar and Ishmael were cast into the desert to die. In 1948, during the formation of the modern nation state of Israel, Ishmael's descendants were once again cast out from the tent of Abraham into the desert. I pray that Ishmael is delivered from the cruel jaws of Judah. Is there really going to be only a Remnant of Israel left? If so, in light of current events, it will not be surprising. 

Many years ago I had another dream. Strangely, it was about Netanyahu, and a mysterious Woman who could have represented Israel, the Shekinah, or Mary/Mariam, Queen of the Jews. In the dream, this man, whom today I despise, was beaming and happy and reassured me that "it is all going to be okay". I asked "but what is Israel going to do?" (about the Palestinians, about justice).  I wrote about this dream, and about how I lost my idealization of the Ashkenazi shtetl Jewish culture, understanding that the sabras represented a totally different reality, and about how I learned to reject stereotypes, in a blog, and was attacked by left wing Zionists. That was many years ago, now it is all so much worse. I believe that conservative forms of religion almost always produce evil fruit. One could say there is no grace concept in Judaism (an eye for an eye). Yet grace was present in the life of King David and in his Psalms; it was present in the early Chasidic movement, it is always present in the mystical branches of any faith (Kabbalah, Sufism, etc.)  Grace is an option in all religions, no matter what the teaching. Yeshua is Moshiach because of grace. Chesed. If we must err, it is better to err on the side of mercy, love, graciousness, forgiveness, and compassion. There is no balance, reason, or proportion to what the govt of Israel and terrorist settlers are doing to innocent Palestinians & in Israel's provocation of all of its neighbors. 

How can it be possibly the end of time, the end of days, and still be "alright"? When the Moshiach was crucified the world became dark. Yet Yeshua rose from the dead. Maybe I am only witnessing the beginning of what will truly be the end of the world as we know it. In the meantime, I will speak out against anyone's nationalism and all forms of extremism, especially religious extremism, until the time comes for me to meet my betrothed Jewish "husband" somewhere not in this world or life. All I know for sure is, the blood of the innocents whom the Netanyahu government is massacring, will destroy Israel more surely and powerfully than all the forces of Islamic terrorism ever could...Yeshua has shown us that the wrongful killing of even one innocent has more power to transform reality than the slaughter of millions. 

Thank you for your charity. 

Sh'ma Yisra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad 

Hyman Bloom