Open Letter

The child who was shot dead by soldiers at Nyanga The child is not dead the child lifts his fists against his mother who shouts Afrika! shouts the breath of freedom and the veld in the locations of the cordoned heart The child lifts his fists against his father in the march of the generations who shout Afrika! shout the breath of righteousness and blood in the streets of his embattled pride The child is not dead not at Langa nor at Nyanga not at Orlando nor at Sharpeville nor at the police station at Phillippi where he lies with a bullet through his brain The child is the dark shadow of the soldiers on guard with rifles, saracens and batons the child is present at all assemblies and law-givings the child peers through the windows of houses and into the hearts of mothers this child who just wanted to play in the sun at Nyanga is everywhere the child grown to a man treks through all Africa the child grown into a giant journeys through the whole world Without a pass Ingrid Jonker ...

Trauma survivors don't make appealing or attractive victims.  Children who survive trauma are beset with coping mechanisms which render them protected but ironically, also isolated from what they really crave inside:  basic acceptance, care, and approval. I did not get approval from my family of origin, and was at an age where I still sought positive attention from authority figures. But my walls were always up and I copied ugly traits from my narcissistic parents: grandiosity, arrogance, defiance. I had no insight. I was blind to how others might perceive me. But underneath the bravado,  there was so much pain that semester at the University of Texas in Austin.  My academic performance was not consistent. I was far too distracted by acting out socially and partying;  desperate to find somewhere to belong, some people to fit in with. When I applied myself I excelled. Unfortunately I performed well only sporadically.  I must have come across as cocky or rebe...

On seeing The Chosen:  "Oh my God what a beautiful film. I know I saw it in my youth but I couldn't appreciate it then as I do now. Robby Benson does an incredible job here, just miraculous. And keeps up with the old lions, Maximilian Schell and Rod Steiger. Such men!!! As actors, and as the parts they played. Unforgettable. The scene of Rod Steiger as the powerful Rebbe dancing at a wedding gave me chills. (Always makes me think of David dancing before the Ark of the Covenant.)"  Discipline applied without love is mere punishment and cruelty. And Israel, born with such hope and idealism:  I wonder what the early Zionists would think of today's far right #Israel?  At that time, there was so much horror in the world, so much carnage, but there was also great optimism and faith and good expectations for the future. Now, there is only the darkness without any light. The experiments are failing, or have failed:  the American experiment of democracy and the Israeli e...